First, that is a stereotype. While there are grains of truth in stereotypes, they are very far from being the entire truth. Second, functions are morally neutral. Fe works interdependently with Ti to learn and observe rules of behavior that are predicted to result in non-negative social consequences. Morality is not inherently built into this process but rather depends on how someone responds to environmental influences. The purpose of extraverted functions is to adapt to the external environment, and everyone learns things under different circumstances. Third, do not reduce people to just one function. Everyone has a combination of introverted and extraverted functions. Introverted functions construct a unique identity for every person with an accompanying set of personalized needs, desires, and expectations.
Lastly and most importantly, function expression is highly dependent on a person’s level of ego development (read the sections about type development). Functions can manifest in a wide variety of different ways depending on their level of maturity, e.g., people who resist Fe development often take the approach of preemptively rejecting other people before getting rejected, using Ti to come up with all manner of “logical” reasons why other people suck and don’t deserve to be trusted, becoming bitter and hardened (instead of confronting their own lack of people skills). Healthy Fe values communicating with people in a way that makes it easier for the other person to accept and understand what is being said, with the goal of maintaining a strong sense of interpersonal connection whenever possible. However, there is a world of difference between valuing effective communication versus requiring that everyone sugarcoat everything in order to avoid negative emotions. Overindulgent Fe wants everyone to be the same because then you can blend in seamlessly and never have to deal with feeling rejected or inadequate, i.e., you want everyone to follow the same rules (or your rules) so that you never have to feel bad about yourself and confront your own flaws/weaknesses. Immature Fe completely misses the most useful information that is being conveyed in communication because of harping on HOW the information is being communicated and using that superficial data to infer whether the person speaking is “good” or “bad” (anyone who has ever read and understood Pride and Prejudice can see how this works). If the person follows the right “social rules” they are deemed “good” so you can believe in them and get along, if the person is deemed “bad” then avoid them or punish them accordingly for not being what you want/expect them to be, that is, it doesn’t matter what the truth is as long as everyone uses an acceptable strawberry-sweet tone of voice at all times. This kind of immature Fe is completely ego driven and unable to understand other people accurately, rendering a person incapable of forming healthy intimate relationships.
How Functions Work: Inferior Ne (ISTJ/ISFJ)
The inferior function is the hardest to understand and describe. It embodies the part of us that we are least accepting of. Although we are often unaware of its activities, it would be inaccurate to describe the inferior function as “weak” because all of our core functions are powerful in their own way. The power and force of the inferior function actually comes from the mistaken assumption that it has no power. We underestimate the inferior function at our own peril.
being compassionate to yourself involves making it a discipline to do the things that you love, no matter how many times you attempt to convince yourself that it’s no use. being compassionate with yourself involves sitting down and writing, even when you feel insecure about the work you’re producing. being compassionate with yourself involves taking a walk outside because you haven’t had any fresh air the whole day. being compassionate with yourself involves committing yourself to learning something new even if it hasn’t gone well many times before. being compassionate with yourself is about committing to the discipline of self-betterment and healing.
It is valuable to reflect upon the direction of your life and whether you are engaging in meaningful activities, then you can hopefully make the best use of your time and energy. Any questions or exercises that can facilitate deeper reflection should be welcomed. However, meaning is subjective. There are infinite ways to achieve a sense of meaning in life; it doesn’t necessarily need to be only one thing, one person, one career, or one activity. It can be a variety of things, big and small, that cumulatively make a life worthwhile. Therefore, I would advise people not to confine themselves with overly strict definitions of meaning or purpose and, instead, use every opportunity to establish meaningful thought and action with whatever methods, tools, or knowledge currently available to them. It may seem somewhat counter-intuitive but meaning should be expansive not restrictive. Diversification of meaning is advantageous because then you won’t rely on only one thing for your spiritual nourishment, subsequently developing a deep fear of losing it because you have identified with it too deeply. Cultivate many sources of meaning and then you can access them flexibly when you most need them.
Your ask is mixing up different issues from different functions. The divergence stems from S vs N.
S inadvertently self-handicaps when it accepts reality as it is and then confines oneself to it. But Si is not inherently risk averse except when it is out of balance with Ne. Si-Ne usually self-handicaps by convincing oneself that it is useless to fight against reality and/or that fighting might even bring more harm than good to oneself (”better the devil you know”), it is a convenient way to relinquish responsibility and avoid acknowledging the ways in which one is complicit in one’s bad circumstances.
N defends because it does not accept reality and instead wants one’s conceptual vision of the world to be “true reality”. But Ni only gets defensive when it is out of balance with Se. Ni-Se imbalance often manifests as perceiving oneself as a misunderstood victim of the world (”I am right/superior if only the world was smart enough to see it too”), it is a convenient way to avoid admitting how flawed and screwed up one’s conceptual vision of the world really is, then there is no need to change or adapt oneself.
If IxFJs are isolative, it is usually because they have not developed Fe properly and fear/resist it; when looping, they hide from society because they fear seeing their own reflection from it, they fear confronting the reality-check that the judgments of others may bring. If IxFJs are indecisive, it is because Fe-Ti is out of balance and Ti undeveloped, so they haven’t the right judgment tools to make strictly impartial and impersonal decisions, though they can fool themselves into thinking they are very “analytical” and “logically justified” when looping (when in fact they are just being driven by their own unresolved insecurities).
Everything we lose is an opportunity to recreate that part of our lives the way we wanted to. The way that really aligns with us.
New chances. Growth. Realising you’re more resilient than before. Slow mornings. Knowing that the whole day is yours and no one is expecting anything from you. A friend telling you that you make their life happier. Becoming better at accepting yourself. Allowing yourself to take your time. Eating your breakfast without distractions. Learning to exist without constantly doing. Taking care of yourself as you would of a little cat. Listening to songs that make your heart full, even though no one in your vicinity shares your taste in music. Reading a book just for the fun of it, not caring if it teaches you something or not. Doing things for pleasure.
The secret to being who you want to be
Lately I’ve realised the power of self-image. Rather than having an image of yourself that you want to be in the future, imagine that you are that image.
A month ago, I wanted to be a studious, disciplined person. At the time, I was pretty lazy. One day walking to class, I thought, ‘I am a studious, disciplined person’, and the more I thought it, the more I believed it. The more I believed it, the more I became it.
Don’t wait to become who you want to be. Just be. And believe.
Memory Tips
- Study repeatedly - Overlearn. Take advantage of life’s little intervals (i.e.- riding the bus, walking, waiting in the grocery checkout line)
- Spend time actively thinking about material - Exercise weak memories with rehersal and critical reflection. No skimming!
- Make material personally meaningful - Write notes in your own words. Form as many cue associations (i.e.- images, experiences) as possible!
- Use mnemonic devices for lists - Associate items with peg words, create a vivid story involving the items, or chunk items into acronyms
- Refresh your memory by activating cues - Mentally re-create situations/moods where you orginally learned the material or physically return to the location
- Minimize interferences - Study about an hour before sleep. Don’t study similar subjects back-to-back (i.e.- Studying Spanish then French right after)
- Test your knowledge - Don’t be overconfident about recalling the material. Test yourself with the learning objectives. You can outline sections, define terms/concepts, create practice tests, or explain the topic to a friend without using your notes
Psychology: 8th Edition by David G. Myers, Chapter 9 - Memory
Four rules for a disciplined life
(Credit to reddit user ryans01).
- No zero days. ‘What’s a zero day? A zero day is when you don’t do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I’m not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that’s not the point. The point I’m trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didn’t do anything all fucking day and it’s 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero.’
- Be grateful to the three yous. ‘There’s the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you’s are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you’ve done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro.’
- Forgive yourself. ‘Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn’t do it. Now you’re giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being disappointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? So what. I forgive you, previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one’s for you, future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.’
- Exercise and books. ‘Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. When you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). When you exercise you clear your mind. When you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we’ve all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books.’
My friend linked this to me on reddit when I was feeling really down and it changed me. Excellent advice!
“Our everyday usage of this word ‘diligent’ already gives us some idea of its Latin origin. 'Diligent’ comes from the verb diligo, which means to love, to appreciate, to choose something after careful consideration and attention. The diligent man does not rush into things. He does his work thoughtfully and lovingly.
Our Lord, perfect man in every way, chose a manual trade and carried it out attentively and lovingly for almost the entirety of the years he spent on this earth. He worked as a craftsman among the other people in his village. This human and divine activity of his shows us clearly that our ordinary activities are not an insignificant matter. Rather they are the very hinge on which our sanctity turns, and they offer us constant opportunities of meeting God, and of praising him and glorifying him through our intellectual or manual work.”
—St Josemaria Escriva, Friends of God
I want Sunspear, and my father’s seat. I want Dorne. I want justice.
the key to maintaining joy in life is getting excited about tomorrow’s breakfast every once in a while